Bored to Tears and Ready for Change: With 30 Years of Marriage under His Belt, He Needs Spicier Sex to Achieve an Erection
This self-proclaimed gentleman has a very unladylike idea for his wife: he wants her to be sexier in bed. He’s dissatisfied with their tired lovemaking routine and craves excitement. But to get to that point, he must first correct his erectile dysfunction. He’s so bored that he can’t achieve a hard erection.
Case #: 2006
Concern：
I am a “gentleman” and have been married to a “lady” for 30 years (I’m 52, she’s 49). By gentleman and lady, I mean we were both raised in strict, religious houses that taught us to treat others with propriety and respect. My wife and I still greet each other with “good morning” each day, I kiss her good night before bed, and she keeps our house as neat as a pin. We have a good life together, even if it is a little boring.
Discussion：
When we got married, we were both virgins, so sex was something of a revelation. But since then, we’ve done nothing to keep the fire burning. On nights we’re going to “do it,” my wife performs the same ritual as when she was 19. She goes into the bathroom and shaves her legs, washes under her arms and between legs, brushes her hair, and comes to bed wearing a long, white nightgown. Then, without slipping out of her bed clothes, she lies down and waits for me to climb on top. Boring.
All of this boredom has added up, and it’s stifling my sexual desire. I don’t even get as hard as I once did because I’m so tired of the same dry routine. I need help repairing our sex lives and restoring my sexual vigor. But I do not want to embarrass my wife – she’s a good woman and would be mortified to know how I feel. Is there hope for me?
You’ve already taken the first step in breathing new life into your marriage. The second step, regaining hard erections, will be much easier. You need only patience and the frame of mind to follow our advice.
As for lighting a match in the bedroom, you and your wife will have to compromise so you both get what you want. She’s timid, you’re ready for change. The question is, how do you treat her like the lady she is and introduce her to more passionate sex?
The Belief Analysis
Many women are raised with a catalogue of sexual beliefs. In the 1970s, when your wife was a teenager, researchers changed their perception of intercourse. They even started to recognize the female’s need for satisfaction. This information was recorded and discussed until it became fodder for household conversation.
While some pundits tried to disengage sex from religion, and make it an activity of pleasure rather than love, many women sought to freely express themselves with their bodies. Society recognized them as sexual creatures for the first time, and physical intimacy outside of marriage became synonymous with liberalism. Females were at last encouraged to seek sexual pleasure in much the same way men always had.
In those homes where sexual discourse was off the table, parents tried to raise daughters to be pure and chaste women. These same homes struggled to maintain the connection between marriage and sex, thereby shunning the pundits and holding fast to time-honored beliefs. They instilled in daughters the need to eschew eroticism and engage in sex only to satisfy their husbands.
This sounds like the kind of home in which your wife was raised.
Turning Stalemate into Soulmate
Your task is to introduce your wife to an emboldened way of having sex. This will not only open her up to new possibilities, but also blow the winds of change through your bedroom. To be successful, you must go slowly. The next time she starts to prepare for bed, ask her to come as she is. If she’s not comfortable enough to agree, let her perform her ritual.
Once she’s in bed, do something different from the expected. Kiss her neck, stroke her face or caress her body. Talk to her as you proceed, asking if she feels good and if what you’re doing is alright. After she starts to enjoy the sensations of your touch, she will be willing to explore more options.
The constant key is communication. After sex, ask more questions. Or get the ball rolling by talking about your feelings and what you enjoy during intimacy. This will open dialogue between the two of you so sex is a shared experience.
A Technique for a Gentleman
Before you can show your wife the pleasures that await, you need to fine-tune your body. Jelqing is a technique you can practice on your own, without your wife’s knowledge so she doesn’t become embarrassed. (TRY: Jelqing technique for Firm Erections) It is a tried-and-true method for improving erection quality in men.
Rooted in Middle Eastern medicine, some men have reportedly gained between 2 and 4 inches with jelqing. The technique is simple: wrap your forefinger and thumb around the base of your penis and move down the penis shaft, gently pulling as you do so. Stop before you reach the head of your penis and repeat.
Points to remember include jelqinng when you’re semi-hard rather than fully hard and warming up your penis before you start. Cover yourself with a warm towel, use a heating pad or take a warm shower. Start by jelqing every other day, and always use lubrication.
What to do
Jelqing Technique for Weak Erections
Jelqing is designed to help improve erection quality for men with weak, unsustainable erections.